Do I Have Alexithymia? Tests, Signs & Symptoms

How much do you feel on an average day? If you mostly feel the same or “fine”, that is actually pretty unlikely. You could be expeirencing “emotional blindness” or “alexithymia”. That’s a condition where your nervous system has decided that emotions are just a bit much and it’s better to shut them off.

Why Bother to Find out if You Have Alexithymia?

Emotions actually have a job to do for us, so if yours aren’t talking to you, that’s a problem. Let’s explore what alexithymia is and how you can check to see if you might, in fact, not be fine all the time, but just not hear your emotions when they are talking to you. Alexithymia is not a bad thing, but it is a thing worth knowing about yourself.

Humans have developed the ability to feel emotions for a reason. Emotions are messengers. They help us protect ourselves, connect with others, and make aligned decisions.

If you feel disgusted, you move away from something harmful.

If you feel anger, you’re being called to protect a boundary.

If you feel sad, you know something is off.

But if you have alexithymia, you might not realize you are sad. You might feel nothing or a vague sense of unease. That feeling still lives in your body, even if you can’t access it.

Without emotional awareness, you might:

• Misread your body’s signals (e.g., thinking heartbreak is a stomach issue)
• Get stuck in overthinking instead of knowing what you want
• Feel lost, disconnected, or detached from meaning in life

Understanding alexithymia gives you a framework. You’re not broken, your brain just processes emotions differently.

Hints that you might struggle with emotional blindness

If you have ever thought:

• “I don’t know how I feel.”
• “I always feel fine… but also kind of empty.”
• “I feel things physically, but I’m not sure if they are… emotions?”

…you are not alone. And that’s not normal, in the sense that most people do feel quite different throughout a single day.

The first quick test: How are you?

Here are some hints I listen for as a psychologist when I am working with clients.

The simplest way to test if alexithymia could be relevant for you is to ask: “How are you?”

Here are some responses that make me send my clients an alexithymia screening test:

If I ask you how you are, do you respond with…

• A physical state?
  • “I’m exhausted”
  • “I have a lot of energy today”
• Fine / alright / the same answer every time
  • If you are always “fine” and “always” alright, that’s just not possible. If you keep giving me the same answer, I might wonder if you feel neutral most the time, which humans don’t typically do.
  • If I later find out in conversation that you are not, in fact, fine (maybe you are happy, motivated, anxious, sad), that makes me wonder if you have access to your emotions.

Definition: What Is Alexithymia?

There’s a word for this experience: alexithymia. And understanding it might be the most important first step toward feeling more like yourself.

Alexithymia is also called emotional blindness.

Here’s a brief history of the term: The word alexithymia was first described by two psychotherapists in the 70s and it literally means “no words for emotions.”

Definition: Alexithymia is the struggle to feel your feelings or understand what is going on in your body.

Careful: Alexithymia does not mean “emotionless.” People with alexithymia have emotions like everyone else, they just can’t access, process, or read them the same way.

Symptoms + Signs You Might Have Alexithymia

There are some very specific experiences that can hint at alexithymia. You do not have to resonate with all of these to be alexithymic (don’t worry, I will share a reliable screening test at the end so you can get a clear yes/no answer).

Here are some common symptoms and life experiences people with alexithymia have:

1. You feel “fine” all the time

• You often feel muted or neutral.
• Your go-to answer to “How are you?” is: Fine. Alright. I’m okay.
• There isn’t a lot of variation in how you feel

2. You describe energy levels, not emotions

• You say, “I’m tired today” instead of, “I’m feeling low.”
• Or, “I’ve got a lot of energy” instead of, “I’m excited.”

3. Emotions sneak up on you

• You don’t miss people. You might burst into tears when seeing someone again, even if you didn’t consciously miss them up to this moment.
• Rage or sadness seem to appear out of nowhere. You either feel neutral, or very big emotions (very happy or very angry or neutral – there is not a lot of in-between). This could also be a general issue with emotional regulation, so this is not as clear cut of a sign for alexithymia.
• You only feel surface emotions (happy, sad, angry) and not the subtler ones like peace, contentment, or disappointment.

4. You think other people are weirdly dramatic

Since your emotional experience day-to-day is pretty flat, it confuses you when other seem to have so many emotions all the time.

I have had clients with alexithymia tell me: “I always thought people were a bit over the top with their emotions. Why are they being so dramatic? Why can’t we just do things vs. bring up emotions all the time?”

I hate to break it to you, but most people aren’t dramatic! You might get the occasional neurotic or narcissistc person, in which case, yes, they are being dramatic.

But the vast majority of people experience noticeable emotional variability in their daily lives. Their emotions can be very different from the morning to afternoon to nighttime. If your emotions feel super stable and like there are barely any shifts throughout the day, this could be a sign of alexithymia.

5. You struggle to put feelings into words

• You can’t explain what you’re feeling, or why.
• You have a limited emotional vocabulary.
• You might not even be sure if you’re feeling something.

5. You feel like something is missing, but you can’t name it

• You rarely react emotionally to big life events. Maybe you barely cried or felt sad when a loved one passed. It’s like things can’t quite touch you.
• You feel detached from yourself.
• You default to logic and analysis over inner knowing. You find it difficult to access your intuition or gut feeling.

6. You feel lost and without purpose in life

This is not a must, but since emotions are a compass to what we want, people with alexithymia can struggle to feel clear on their path in life.

One of my clients with alexithymia is incredibly ambitious and has built up a marketing agency. She has built a beautiful life for herself and knows who she is despite lacking a clear emotional compass telling her what feels good and what feels bad. The “feeling lost in life”sign might be less universal than the other ones related to your actual experience of emotions.

Still, check if you resonate with these statements:

• You chose your career at random or just went with the default options presented to you
• You feel like you are reacting to career opportunities or what your partner/family wants vs. being able to clearly say why you want to take a next step in your career
• You feel very overwhelmed with all the different things you could do in life and it’s hard to say which option really appeals to you
• You feel somewhat passive about your options, maybe you float along rather than take charge of your goals

If you recognized yourself in several of these, it might be worth exploring further.

7. You don’t like hugs or people touching you

This is not exclusive to alexithymia, you might also be a neurodivergent (especially Autistic) person who doesn’t like touch due to sensory sensitivity. Or maybe you have experience relational trauma that have made you appreciate putting distance between your body and other people.

Some people with alexithymia do not like hugs, someone brushing against your skin, kissing, or sex.

Again: This is not a must. But some people with alexithymia find sex to be weird, a bit pointless, or even gross. There is some overlap with the asexuality spectrum here, too.

But wanting to be touched is a less specific sign of alexithymia, it can also be related to a history of trauma, sensory sensitivity, asexuality (no/low desire for sex), or demisexuality (strong emotional connection needed for sex. Yes, you can have alexithymia and have intimate relationships and strong feelings of love for someone).

The Best Screening Test for Alexithymia

If you resonated with the signs and symptoms of alexithymia, take one of the free online screening tests below. Some are research-backed, aka they have gone through very rigorous testing to validate that they a) measure what they should and b) do so reliably.

Personally in my psychology practice, I have found that the official tests can be worded a bit weirdly.

That’s why I also send my clients a non-clinical test, the OAQ-2.

Recommended Test: The Online Alexithymia Questionnaire (OAQ-2)

The Online Alexithymia Questionnaire takes 5-10 minutes to complete and is my favorite alexithymia quiz.

It was developed by Jason Thompson in 2005 and updated in 2007. Jason Thompson has alexithymia himself.

This is the alexithymia quiz I recommend to clients in my psychology practice.

I find this quiz to be very straightforward. I also like that it gives you a color gradiant from blue to orange to indicate how strong your alexithymia is vs. just a test score.

The OAC is also available in German and Spanish.

Alternative: Toronto Alexithymia Scale (TAS-20)

If you want to do further testing or prefer the “official” screening tests over the one developed by the alexithymia community, you can take the Toronto Alexithymia Scale (TAS-20).

The alexithymia test is also available in: German | French | Dutch.

Disclaimer: Not a diagnosis

Of course one screening test is not an official diagnosis. Not in the least because alexithymia is not a diagnosis or disorder, it’s a personality trait (aka changeable!)

These online tests are a great starting point.

From what I see with my clients, alexithymia is often the missing puzzle piece that explains why experience the world as you do. Typically, we see the biggest impact within romantic relationships. Once you know you don’t feel things the same way as your partner or loved opens, it opens up a whole new world of possible ways to communicate effectively with each other and have everyone feel more seen.

I Think I Have Alexithymia – What’s Next?

If you’re thinking, “Oh shit, I think this might be me…” — deep breath. You got this – this is just neutral information about yourself. And very useful information, too!

The next step is not to go on a mission to fix yourself. Get curious instead.

You can:

• Take the online alexithymia questionnaire if you haven’t already
• Read more about what alexithymia means for your relationships
• Or book a free consult with me, a psychologist, to strategize next steps for you

Alexithymia is more changeable than you think. It’s something you have, not something you are.