Do I Have Alexithymia? Tests, Signs & Symptoms

How much do you feel on an average day? If you mostly feel the same or fine – that might not actually be true. You might expeirence “emotional blindness” or “alexithymia”. That’s a condition where your nervous system has decided that emotions are just a bit much and it’s better to shut them off.

Let’s explore what alexithymia is and discuss signs that you might have it. Because emotions actually have a job to do for us – and if yours aren’t talking to you, that’s a problem.

Okay, let’s do this!

Hints that you might struggle with emotional blindness

If you have ever thought:

• “I don’t know how I feel.”
• “I always feel fine… but also kind of empty.”
• “I feel things physically, but I’m not sure if they’re emotions.”

…you are not alone. And that’s not normal – in the sense that most people do feel quite different throughout a single day.

The litmus test: How are you?

Here are some hints I listen for as a psychologist when I am working with clients.

The best question is to simply ask: “How are you?”

Here are some hints that make me send my clients an alexithymia screening test:

If I ask you how you are, do you respond with…

• A physical state?
  • “I’m exhausted”
  • “I have a lot of energy today”
• Fine / alright no matter what
  • If I later find out in conversation that you are not, in fact, fine (maybe you are happy, motivated, anxious, sad), that makes me wonder if you have access to your emotions.
• The same answer every time
  • If you are always fine and always alright, that’s not possible. If you keep giving me the same answer, I might wonder if you feel neutral most the time, which humans don’t typically do.

Definition: What Is Alexithymia?

There’s a word for this experience: alexithymia. And understanding it might be the most important first step toward feeling more like yourself.

Alexithymia is also called emotional blindness.

Here’s a brief history of the term: The word alexithymia was first described by two psychotherapists in the 70s and it literally means “no words for emotions.”

Definition: Alexithymia is the struggle to feel your feelings or understand what is going on in your body.

Careful: Alexithymia does not mean “emotionless.” People with alexithymia have emotions like everyone else, they just can’t access, process, or read them the same way.

Symptoms + Signs You Might Have Alexithymia

There are some very specific experiences that can hint at alexithymia. You do not have to resonate with all of these to be alexithymic (don’t worry, I will share a reliable screening test at the end so you can get a clear yes/no answer).

Here are some common symptoms and life experiences people with alexithymia have:

1. You feel “fine” all the time

• You often feel muted or neutral.
• Your go-to answer to “How are you?” is: Fine. Alright. I’m okay.
• There isn’t a lot of variation in how you feel

2. You describe energy levels, not emotions

• You say, “I’m tired today” instead of, “I’m feeling low.”
• Or, “I’ve got a lot of energy” instead of, “I’m excited.”

3. Emotions sneak up on you

• You don’t miss people. You might burst into tears when seeing someone again, even if you didn’t miss them.
• Rage or sadness seem to appear out of nowhere. You either feel neutral, or very big emotions (very happy or very angry or neutral – there is not a lot of in-between)
• You only feel surface emotions (happy, sad, angry) and not subtler ones like peace, contentment, or disappointment.

4. You think other people are weirdly dramatic

Since your emotional experience day-to-day is pretty flat, it confuses you when other seem to have so many emotions all the time.

I have had clients with alexithymia tell me: “I always thought people were a bit over the top with their emotions. Why are they being so dramatic? Why can’t we just do things vs. bring up emotions all the time?”

I hate to break it to you, but most people aren’t dramatic! You might get the occasional neurotic or narcissistc person, in which case, yes, they are being dramatic.

But the vast majority of people experience noticeable emotional variability in their daily lives. Their emotions can be very different in the morning to the afternoon to nighttime. So if your emotions feel super stable and like there are barely any shifts throughout the day – this could be a sign of alexithymia.

Alexithymia is not a bad thing, but it is a thing worth knowing about yourself.

5. You struggle to put feelings into words

• You can’t explain what you’re feeling, or why.
• You have a limited emotional vocabulary.
• You might not even be sure if you’re feeling something.

5. You feel like something is missing, but you can’t name it

• You rarely react emotionally to big life events. Maybe you barely cried or felt sad when a loved one passed. It’s like things can’t quite touch you.
• You feel detached from yourself.
• You default to logic and analysis over inner knowing. You find it difficult to access your intuition or gut feeling.

6. You feel lost and without purpose in life

This is not a must, but since emotions are a compass to what we want, people with alexithymia can struggle to feel clear on their path in life.

One of my clients with alexithymia is incredibly ambitious and has built up a marketing agency. She has built a beautiful life for herself and knows who she is – she is not lost and yet she has alexithymia.

So the feeling-lost sign seems to be less universal than the other ones related to your actual experience of emotions.

Still, check if you resonate with these statements:

• You chose your career at random or just went with the default options presented to you
• You feel like you are reacting to career opportunities or what your partner wants vs. being able to clearly say why you want to take a next step in your career
• You feel very overwhelmed with all the different things you could do in life and it’s hard to say which option really appeals to you
• You feel somewhat passive about your options, maybe you float along rather than take charge of your goals

If you recognized yourself in several of these, it might be worth exploring further.

7. You don’t like hugs or people touching you

This is not exclusive to alexithymia, you might also be a neurodivergent (especially Autistic) person who doesn’t like touch due to sensory sensitivity.

People with alexithymia typically don’t like hugs, someone brushing against your skin, kissing, or sex.

Again: This is not a must. But some people with alexithymia find sex to be weird, a bit pointless, or even gross. There is some overlap with the asexuality spectrum here.

But wanting to be touched is a less specific sign of alexithymia, it can also be related to a history of trauma, sensory sensitivity, asexuality (no/low desire for sex), or demisexuality (strong emotional connection needed for sex. Yes you can have alexithymia and have intimate relationships and strong feelings of love for someone).

The Best Screening Test for Alexithymia

Whether you resonated with the signs and symptoms of alexithymia, you can get a clear, reliable answer quickly.

There are several screening tests available online. Some are research-backed, aka they have gone through very rigorous testing to validate that they a) measure what they should and b) do so reliably.

Personally in my psychology practice, I have found that the official tests can be worded a bit weirdly.

That’s why I send my clients a test developed within the alexithymia community, the OAQ-2. specifically by Jason Thompson.

Recommended: The Online Alexithymia Questionnaire (OAQ-2)

The Online Alexithymia Questionnaire takes 5-10 minutes to complete and is my favorite alexithymia quiz.

It was developed by Jason Thompson in 2005 and updated in 2007. Jason Thompson has alexithymia himself.

This is the alexithymia quiz I recommend to clients in my psychology practice.

I find this quiz is very straightforward and gives you a nice scale with your test result, so you can see how far down the spectrum of alexithymia you are.

I also like that it gives you a color gradiant from blue to orange to indicate how strong your alexithymia is vs. just a test score.

The OAC is also available in German and Spanish.

Alternative: Toronto Alexithymia Scale (TAS-20)

If you want to do further testing or prefer the “official” screening tests over the one developed by the alexithymia community, you can take the Toronto Alexithymia Scale (TAS-20).

The alexithymia test is also available in: German | French | Dutch.

Disclaimer: Not a diagnosis

Of course one screening test is not an official diagnosis. Not in the least because alexithymia is not a diagnosis or disorder, it’s a personality trait (aka changeable!)

But that doesn’t mean that you can’t self-assess to see if you have alexithymia. These online tests are a great starting point. If you score high or high-ish on this test, you will know that alexithymia is a topic to explore for you.

From what I see with my clients, alexithymia is often the missing puzzle piece that explains why experience the world as you do. I see the biggest impact with relationships – once you know you don’t feel things the same way as your partner or loved opens, it opens a whole new world of ways to communicate effectively.

Why Bother to Find out if You Have Alexithymia

Humans have developed the ability to feel emotions for a reason. Emotions are messengers. They help us protect ourselves, connect with others, and make aligned decisions.

If you feel disgusted, you move away from something harmful.

If you feel anger, you’re being called to protect a boundary.

If you feel sad, you know something is off.

But if you have alexithymia, you might not realize you are sad. You might feel nothing — or just a vague sense of unease.

And that feeling still lives in your body, even if you can’t access it.

Without emotional awareness, you might:

• Misread your body’s signals (e.g., thinking heartbreak is a stomach issue)
• Get stuck in overthinking instead of knowing what you want
• Feel lost, disconnected, or detached from meaning in life

Understanding alexithymia gives you a framework. You’re not broken — your brain just processes emotions differently.

I Think I Have Alexithymia – What’s Next?

If you’re thinking, “Oh shit, I think this might be me…” — deep breath. You got this – this is just neutral information about yourself. And very useful information, too!

The next step is not to go on a mission to fix yourself. Get curious instead.

You can:

• Take the online alexithymia questionnaire if you haven’t already
• Read more about what alexithymia means for your relationships
• Or book a free consult with me, a psychologist, to strategize next steps for you

Alexithymia is more changeable than you think. It’s something you have, not something you are.